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17-Sep-2019 13:16

Whether you yourself are new to non-monogamous relationships, getting involved with someone who is new, or just ready for a refresher course, here are seven common myths about non-monogamous relationships and the facts that disprove them.A quick online search yields many a claim that cheating was, in fact, a type of a non-monogamous relationship.In other words, when my partner is out on a date and I am at home with the cat, rather than stomping around in a jealous rage or torturing myself with what-if-he-leaves-me-for-her thoughts, I would aim to acknowledge my jealous pang as a normal feeling, but remind myself that my partner loves me, that they aren’t leaving, and to be happy that they’re enjoying themselves tonight and to enjoy my alone time with the cat. In comparison with monogamy, in fact, it forces a kind of work on trust that monogamous relationships bypass via the terms of monogamy.Many take the trust experienced in monogamous relationships to be the epitome of the thing, but from another perspective, the “trust” experienced in monogamy isn’t trust exactly, but rather dutifully carrying out the terms of a treaty.

Rather than the absence of jealousy, non-monogamy relies on an acceptance of jealousy, with the ultimate goal of acknowledging it, unlearning it, and replacing it with compersion - a feeling of happiness in one’s self derived from the happiness of another. Jealousy, while it can be worked with and talked through, is a natural emotion that even those of us who choose to take a non-traditional path still experience. Especially when you’ve grown up in a society that equates love to possession, the work of dealing with jealousy is not easy.

But café girl goes out of town for two weeks on Friday.

Do you wait two weeks and risk the fizzle, or talk to your partner about making an exception?

Make no mistake - just because a relationship is non-monogamous does not mean that cheating is impossible.

If a couple agrees to threesomes only but one partner makes out with a stranger in a bar? Four parties in a group relationship agree not to involve new partners before getting tested, but then someone does the deed prematurely? Non-monogamy is not something that takes place in dark corners and on password protected apps without the knowledge and consent of all parties involved. Another idea that’s floating around out there is that non-monogamous relationships are becoming so popular in our monogamy dominated society because monogamy is this challenging thing that takes time, dedication and hard work, whereas non-monogamy is…well…easy.

Rather than the absence of jealousy, non-monogamy relies on an acceptance of jealousy, with the ultimate goal of acknowledging it, unlearning it, and replacing it with compersion - a feeling of happiness in one’s self derived from the happiness of another. Jealousy, while it can be worked with and talked through, is a natural emotion that even those of us who choose to take a non-traditional path still experience. Especially when you’ve grown up in a society that equates love to possession, the work of dealing with jealousy is not easy.But café girl goes out of town for two weeks on Friday.Do you wait two weeks and risk the fizzle, or talk to your partner about making an exception?Make no mistake - just because a relationship is non-monogamous does not mean that cheating is impossible.If a couple agrees to threesomes only but one partner makes out with a stranger in a bar? Four parties in a group relationship agree not to involve new partners before getting tested, but then someone does the deed prematurely? Non-monogamy is not something that takes place in dark corners and on password protected apps without the knowledge and consent of all parties involved. Another idea that’s floating around out there is that non-monogamous relationships are becoming so popular in our monogamy dominated society because monogamy is this challenging thing that takes time, dedication and hard work, whereas non-monogamy is…well…easy.Trust that even as a secondary or tertiary lover, you are still cared for and respected.